About 15 years back I had once summarised about the variety of experiences I had while 'Being a Madam'. Back then, being absolutely ignorant about realities yet fully confident of self capabilities, I was so convinced that 'that' was the toughest part of the job!!
However, with greying of hair, wrinkling of face and more falls than 'rise', I have come to some deeper realizations!!
About 8 years ago, there was a time that I was looking after some construction cum commissioning activities at site. There were a couple of highly motivated, enthusiastic, energetic yet novice officers working with me. As the work progressed, I could sense a feeling of comfort in their stance. But frankly, I did not pay much attention to it. Few months later, I had a major action point at hand, basically culmination of all the efforts put in since last 1.5 years. And a similarly competent and energetic team was at my disposal. With all pre requisites in place, as we were about to start the job, I remember one of them saying "Ma'am bataiye kya karna hai"
And that was 'the' moment of realization... Their comfort was derived from their confidence in 'me'... The thought seems unnerving even today.. even after so many years. At that moment my mind ran a quick recap of all similar moments in my professional life till date... Where I always had a 'Sir' to look up to, to tell me 'kya karna hai', most importantly to take care of things if they go downhill!! And now these kids were asking me 'kya karna hai'.. basically I had to be the 'Sir'... What an anxious and overwhelming situation it was...All in a second I realized that I had suddenly grown up and was on my own!!
Well thankfully that job went well, and I have been part of too many similar situations since then.. sometimes successfully, many times ending in failures...
However, with every new assignment, the blief strengthens that being a 'Sir' is a far more difficult task!!
Being responsible for one's own part of the job is one thing, but being responsible for guiding the 'kids' is a different ball game altogether.. very heavy responsibility.. Because very often, it is not only the work in hand for which the guidance is applicable, but it adds up to the whole grooming as well.. all the subtle, non verbal cues that are picked up subconsciously have a larger contribution in shaping their attitude... If I panic, those looking up to me will learn to panic, if I procrastinate, they will learn that delaying tactics is the proper response and if I am proactive, they will understand the importance of being action oriented!!
I have always felt that I have been extremely fortunate to have a large variety of seniors who held my hand through my initial years.. I have had the best of 'bosses' and 'mentors' to guide me through thick and thin.. Back then, it used to be a dream to become like them as I grew further. Now, with passing years, as the naivety wanes off and reality strikes and one begins to see the world in greys instead of B&W !! With growing responsibilities the major concern has now shifted to "qualities I definitely don't want to imbibe'.
In recent years I have had juniors (many of them long lost.!) reaching out to me out of the blue, seeking advice for things professional and otherwise and sometimes just for the sake of sharing their experiences. More often than not, even though I am not able to offer much help other than a patient listening and some 'gyaan', yet it is very heart warming to reconnect with them. It feels like a chance of trying to give back to the culture what I have continuously received from my seniors..
Although it is impossible to judge my performance unilaterally, but I sincerely wish than I am doing an okay job being a 'Sir'!!
