Archives: Death of a Donkey

Recently during an evening bakar session an interesting issue was raised; 'The similarities between donkeys and their human counterpart'.

As the discussion progressed further, I realised that 'gadha' as an abuse was actually an overrated misnomer. Donkeys are more popular as stubborn creatures and their laborious nature is usually reflected in negativity of foolishness tending to rudeness. However my friend highlighted the similarities. Well, not everyone can be categorised thus, but a few stubborn people amongst us, who have too straight a back to bend and too upright a sense of honour to modify can definitely be termed as the 'Donkey' beings.

In the days that followed I found myself pondering over those issues and soon enough I realised that I could attribute more than 50% of my daily routine acts to this donkey in me. However, wanting to project a cool non 'pappuish' image of myself (something I've been striving for since college days!), I continued ignoring this donkey for a long time. Perhaps, I had been taking it for granted. I say this because just like we Indians realise the importance of a healthy body only after falling sick, similarly, the moment I realised the conspiracy being plotted in background to strangulate my donkey, I realised its importance. To say the least it hurt, and trust me it hurt real bad.

If death is something living beings are not very fond of then I guess something worse than death can only be a 'slow' death. And this is what a handful of people were busy planning for my donkey.

Its a very hard to describe as to how it feels when the realisation begins to dawn upon a person that the whole world has set itself against him, that all his intentions are being misinterpreted and all his decisions, all his actions are being manipulated and highlighted in the wrong light. Initially, one might want to revolt and rebel, to compel others to listen and understand the correctness of his actions, the righteousness of his intentions and most importantly the genuineness of his act. But this reaction is of course impulsive and impulsive acts don't always last in the long run. Even if the person is emotional enough to take this route, he usually realises the futility of it soon enough. And then the seasoned part of the brain takes control, curbing all the instincts to do anything more vocal. This is when the real tussle begins; to do or not to do is the question to be sought. With one's heart and mind very clear on the route to take, it sure is heart wrenching not to be able to do so due to external factors. To make matters worse, these factors are not there by divine grace. These factors exist and grow because 'we' are not 'man' enough to stand tall against the flow and against the wind.

The previous statement is highly idealistic and theoretical in nature. In the practical world, intentions and will power alone are not sufficient. To elaborate further, let me make use one of the most popular starting lines from our essay writing days: 'man is a social animal'. The truth remains that we are not born martyrs and though we are born alone and leave the same way, yet there are emotional ties which prevent us from going the self destructive at the smallest of outburst. The decision to make is how small is small and when does it become big enough to take a stand!

A reader might wonder that since I’ve been babbling about genuine intentions and correct decisions then what stops me from getting them implemented and executed. Perhaps there is something lacking in the intent itself! But, hey my point remains that how much can I fight and change in spite of the external factors, from 'my position'. Standing at the bottom of the pyramid, as the odd one out (in ways more than one), I shout and shout and keep on screaming, hoping that someone will hear me someday. I don’t expect for any help, just enough support to ensure a free hand in getting the job done as per specs with a long term perspective in mind.

The donkey is willing to bear any amounts of load, doesn’t want any appreciation either, all it wants is the chance to work. Donkey being a donkey with a penchant for doing the right thing has a tendency to fall into depression when devoid of work at all. And unfortunately, this is what people around me seem to be up to. They seem to have tried all tricks from the book. Upon realizing that this one is from the old school, they have finally found a solution; even if they can't change my mind, they can definitely change me.

On days when I am low on spirits, I often think about saying 'I quit'. And just as I begin to mourn the death of my donkey, I remember some golden lines penned by Kipling 'If you can keep your head, when all about you are loosing theirs and blaming it on you'..... Ahh! Guess 'donkey' beings have always existed among mankind since inception.....So after refurbishing my spirits and giving a boost to my donkey, I usually am back to work the same ways. Quoting from something I wrote years ago, 'try as they may please, will they succeed in taming the donkey in me, I cannot say'.

Archives: The 'WHYs' after being in Love!

Dear all,

I really don’t remember what exactly triggered me to write the following article. I do remember that it was penned after a serious ‘bakar session’ with some friend, on an impulse.

It would be highly appreciated if the personal angle is not exemplified while reading this post. It was written on an impulse. And today I found it in my diary and on another impulse I am posting it online.

As always, Happy Reading!

Kinshuk

(02.05.2010)

Today’s topic is very personal and extremely close to my heart.

LOVE; love not as in the noble and general sense; but love as the empowering emotion shared between a girl and a boy, so much so that they never want to let go of each other. Love, with all its sweetness and tenderness, with all its seduction and sensualities, with all its fragility and softness and with all its companionship and understanding.

No, I shall not write about the noble relations of love, between a mother and a child, a teacher and a student or any other similar relation where the ‘Love’ is revered and the lovers honoured. Why does it all go wrong only when a girl and boy of marriageable age decide to like and love each other and dream about spending their lives happily together? The moment they admit and announce their will to get married, all kinds of reactions are reciprocated. In a typical orthodox set-up, the permission is out-rightly denied, the two are forbidden to even look at each other (and similar such restrictions are imposed). Soon enough, the two are married off to two different persons altogether. Thereby dreams of at least two and at max all four are destroyed forever.

In the more modern scenario, families having a more ‘broad minded’ approach towards society react quite differently, at least outwardly. The two sets of families give their consent, meet up, finalize the ceremonies and finally the two kids get married.

But, Hey! Hold on……. There is a little glitch. Let us try analyzing our broad-minded families inwardly…...

Apprehensions and resentment are two different emotions with just slight justification for each other. Inwardly, it is rare that the two sets of families are happy, really happy about their respective kids getting a partner they (the latter) yearned for, for life. The two sets resent each other on the whole and the kids in particular for putting them up in such a situation.

How come issues like religion, cast, and community take the bigger stage and happiness becomes secondary. When family backgrounds are similar, the girl and the boy are mature, well settled (professionally), have financial stability in life and are such people who cannot be distinguished on such basis unless one has prior information about the differences; then why do one’s cast, creed and colour become more important the moment the discussion is about ‘Marriage’.

The said couple is fully prepared, mentally, to do everything possible to keep the two families happy and satisfied, but nothing much is in their hands to resolve the resentments.

Apprehensions of course are justified and therefore can be resolved. And yes they will do every possible thing to please and appease the families. But please, please dear God, help them with the resentments.

When I befriended him, it was not an issue. When we became the best friends, it still was not an issue. So why does it become an issue now? He is an extremely caring person, understands me absolutely, tolerates my irrationalities unconditionally, loves me more than anything else in this world, can go to any extent just to ensure my happiness and comfort….. Add to it the level of social security and status our professions provide; thus the practical issues are also sorted….. If these are not enough reasons for us to get married, then what are?

WHY? Why the big why comes here? Why does anyone at all has to judge us for things beyond our control; things which don’t make us or mar us?

I know I have to win the heart of everyone in his family. I wish one day Uncle – Aunty shall be able to say that they are proud of their son and his wife (and that shall be me).

I also wish that with time all the apprehensions of my parents get sorted and that they should tell me one day that they are proud of my decision and that they are proud of him.

Dear God, you have guided us through and through, please let us be what we have dreamt of, so often. Let us be able to keep everyone in our families happy, really happy……………

Kinshuk

(28.10.2009, 22:20 hrs)

Archives: For Shades

For Shades

& all those who are still dreaming of it

4th August 2003 was the day I got myself registered at NITJSR and thus began my tryst with the journey of Jamshedpur; four years of a roller coaster ride, ups & downs, some great moments as well as well as some really bad experiences…………One thing that unifies our all the students of our dear college is that whoever is going to read the opening para of this feel shall be able to identify with sentiments expressed therein……. Now after 2 years of passing out as Batch 2k3, when I look back to the period of 2003-07 what I remember the most other than the wonderful friends I met there is SHADES. When I make this statement, many of the readers might find it to be kind of a superficial, superimposed speech, but I trust a few of those who have spent time with the shades team in 212 and 222, shall be able to reciprocate this feeling.

My first encounter with SHADES was under the guidance of 2k batch, and my first reaction was of a pleasant surprise. After so many disappointments of 1st yr college life, SHADES was like a breeze of fresh air, to see and join a handful of students turning an ED room into a fine arts exhibition hall and that too with such decorations where the room itself looked like an excellent exhibit. That year for SHADES 04, a very simple theme of Fire was chosen, we had decorated the walls in shades of yellow and red and a few other simple designs were put up at the entry/exit, but the overall outcome was very pleasant……

SHADES 05 was an experience where I got a glimpse of what goes on behind the scene and how things are actually executed to make the event a success. The theme that year was ‘Village’ and it was by far the most well executed theme, beautifully done and pretty simple as well. The walls were covered in brown using a hand made paper. Special hoods were made for the windows from hay and a beautiful mandap was erected in the center of the hall, again made from hay and decorated by earthen bells and pots. However, that year I learnt most about the execution skills from 2k1 batch seniors. The only drawback that year was that for a lot of Hay work, craftsmen were hired and this was the area we decided to work on for the years to come.

SHADES 06; well it brings me a lot of sweet and sour memories. A very diverse theme was chosen which called for a lot of skilled work; however we failed on the planning aspect involved. With due support from the senior batch, 2-3 of our batch-mates took charge of room no. 212 and with whatever little time we had, we tried our best to do justice to the theme – Universe. The effect was that whole solar system was fit into the ED room along with an alien’s colony as well. And for the all achievements of SHADES’06 credit goes to the enthusiasm of few dedicated new kids on the block J, well I m referring to the then 1st yr students of 2k5 batch. Well, whatever we could manage, overall result was okay, there were a lot of short falls (major one being that we could barely keep up with the assigned time schedule I had to attend the inaugural in the same dirty clothes I had been wearing during the work since past 3-4 days :D ). Some of the important lessons our group learnt during that phase were the aspects of time and resource planning and also the importance of keeping the individuals working with one-self motivated, involved, content and also to ensure that they get their due credit and recognition.

SHADES 07, is of course the one closest to my heart, because at all previous events, we had the guidance of our seniors and also had to rely upon their decisions for everything. They were no saints and nor were we. However for us, a group of 3-4 students of 2k3, SHADES ’07 was a challenge and an opportunity at the same time. We wanted to prove ourselves and also set up an example for all the SHADES to come. Our goals were clear; however the path was not so easy. First of all a lot of planning was done to decide the right theme and also its contents. Secondly the next most important aspect was to ensure availability of folks to work as the scheduled dates were just after Holi and hence it was essential to motivate crowd enough and well in advance. Vaise don’t get me wrong, its not that the entire 1st yr & 2nd yr batch turned up to work, however 500 students are not required to make one Shades. Once we were successful in calling students into the hall for the first time, it was the environment of the hall and the assurance that their efforts shall fetch them the deserving credit and accolades which made some 25-30 of them stay back and lend their helping hand. Also, our experience of previous year had taught us a bit about managing people, about dividing them into teams, making them feel involved and responsible in their team and also making them realise that their work was important to the club and Shades. Also, one of the most important aspects was to understand the fact that these students from 1st yr and 2nd yr were also humans and they might have some personal commitments/dreams. Nothing authorized us to treat them as either robots or bonded labour. When this kind of limited autonomy was given to one and all working for Shades 07, we were flooded with more and more unique and creative ideas and more importantly with people willing to execute those ideas and turn them into reality. Thence finally all were witness to a SHADES hall which could boast of a mermaid’s colony, wrecked ship with treasure box, a crocodile, an octopus and numerous sea creatures swimming on the walls of a huge Ocean. Looking back, if I am asked to state one achievement of Shades 07 which I feel was the greatest among all, I have only one answer; all of us got ample time to dress up well for the inaugural, the room was cleaned and exhibits displayed well in advance.

Well if anyone, after reading this article on Shades, feels that may be organizing shades was done as public welfare of college only, I have some clarifications to offer. Shades is an experience that I can never forget, not only because of the laurels it brought for the club and myself in person, but also because of the experiences I had, have helped me on every front of life. I have till date given three job interviews; two while in college and one after passing out. During the HR part of all of these, I was able to give reference to my experiences of Shades and could answer in a much better way. Also, during last 6 months I have had some near Shades experiences on my job front as well. And though time and space don’t permit me to describe it all in detail, I can assert with full conviction that those four Shades have really helped me to evolve as a person.

To all those involved in preparations for Shades 09 and dreaming of making it a huge success, here are a few tips from what I have learnt so far. First of all, your batch is immaterial, what matters most (even more than the skill) is your dedication and the amount of effort you are willing to put in. Shades is a team work and no single person can make or break it, however it’s the effort of one and all combined together which counts. Making shades happen doesn’t necessarily means being involved 24 x 7 but it does mean that whatever time u spend, u do it willingly with sincerity and dedication. Junior batches are full of energy, they just need a direction and it’s the duty of the senior batches to utilize their (the junior’s) energies in the right way, also it is your chance to set up an example and give them a glimpse of what SHADES is meant to be and how they should carry the tradition forward in years to come. Last but definitely not the least, planning is of utmost importance, a well planned complicated theme can be executed in a much better fashion than even a simple unplanned one. Lastly, my best wishes to all of you and the club. May dear God help and guide you all in making Shades 09 a grand success.

With best wishes,
Kinshuk
12.09.2009

(The above article was written on request of a 2k5 junior who was having difficulty convincing junior batches for working for FACES)

Archives: Reasons

REASONS

She woke up to the sound of her alarm, it was already 6. She had planned to get up an hour earlier today; she had been postponing some tasks for too long. However, now she couldn’t gather the will to slip out of the sheets and get going. She tried closing her eyes and snatching some more minutes of the precious rarity; sleep, but failed even at this. She just lay still, staring at the ceiling, the fan and suddenly realized that it was time for payment of bills, but she was in no mood of thinking about them, then. Her eyes wandered to the walls and some patches caught her attention. She had promised herself, this year she will definitely have the house repainted, but the year was drawing to an end. Anyways she thought, and pushed all the worries out of her mind. She wanted to think about something happy; she wanted to remember her youth, her friends and…..

She could very well recall the last day they had spent together, before they separated. It was a bright sunny morning. They were sitting in their favourite spot near that lake and trying to keep their tears from falling by keeping quiet. Finally they could not hold it any longer; he had asked, “You are really keen on this. Is nothing going to change your mind?” All she could reply was, “You know everything and even my reasons” He took her hands in his. He felt so warm. They had spent the rest of the day sitting like that, holding hands as tears marked two paths on their cheeks. The next morning he had gone and even her life got back on track gradually.

She lay still in bed, and tried to recall the day she had told him about her decision. They had gone on a coffee date and she had been unusually quiet. He had asked her many times, “What’s the matter dear, what’s troubling you so” but she had yet not gathered enough courage to speak out her mind. Finally as they paid the bills, she knew, it was now or never. She had asked him to stroll a little before going home. He took her hands, she was sweating really badly. She had managed to say, “I can’t come with you.” He was shattered. He couldn’t believe what he heard. Theirs had been a ten year old relationship and now she was asking him to go alone. How could this be? They had the best understanding and even though he had feared that something of this type was coming, he had been praying for them to remain together. But, today, life was falling like a house of cards. She had finally given voice to his greatest fears, and he knew argument will not help their case. He closed his eyes for two moments, took hold of himself and then put his arms around her. He drew her in a hug and managed to say, “I understand dear, but I will always love you.” They had parted that way.

She thought about the days that had followed. Her guilt had been so high, but he had supported her. He explained to her about God’s bigger plan. He explained that living distantly wouldn’t diminish their love. He had made her understand that perhaps they could get back together later in life.

She had no desire to climb out of bed. She cherished every memory of him, loved recalling them. It calmed her. It gave her strength. She thought about the time when he had come running to her place with an envelope fluttering in his hand. “My project has been selected. Two years of hard work is beginning to repay.” He was just so happy. They had celebrated that day in their typical style; two cups of coffee, handful of matharis and soft music in background. However, this happiness had a tinge of sadness involved. This meant he would be working abroad for next five years. This implied that she would have to leave her wards, and this was a tough decision.

Three years ago, when he was just figuring out methods to improve the construction technologies, she had started this scheme called ‘Sparsh’. She had gathered a group of seven boys and girls, all issues of the fourth class employees of the neighbourhood, and had started teaching them. Education, she felt was of utmost importance. In these three years she had realized their strong and weak points very well. She was working hard towards making them self dependent, responsible citizens of the nation. She had her dreams for these children, but if she was to go away, all her hard work will have been in vain. She had actually fought with the parents of her wards so that they could study. She knew if she would go away, the girls would be married off and the boys will end up with their fathers’ jobs. It had been a tough task and she could not leave it incomplete. The best part had been that he had understood her thoughts. He didn’t pressurize her to accompany him. Instead they had decided to carry on with their paths, with the faith that they will meet again in future.

Future, she thought about, and realized that it was time to wake up finally. Her eldest ward was appearing for his first board exam today. She had to wish him luck. She got off the bed thinking about the tasks she had to finish today, the faith undeterred that one day God will reward them for their sacrifice, after all they all had their reasons.

*~~~~~***~~~~~*

The above story has been published in the college magazine (issue of 2007 Spring Semester).

Archives - Ladies Waiting Room@ NDLS Station

As I had mentioned earlier in my first post, I have been 'writing' since '98 even though I have started making my work public very recently. Now, after successful completion of my first online series, which received a very appreciative and motivating response from him and quite a positive feedback from many other people, I have come up with yet another 'series' idea.

This series by the name of 'Archives' is meant to be a collection of some good articles (by my assessment) I have wriiten in past before I started posting blogs. It is quite likely that some of you might have already read many of such articles (given my demanding nature :P), but I am one credit-hungry girl (as someone had called me in recent past) and therefore, I start this new attempt to attract attention.

PS::

#1. This series is not going to be of a continuous kind, hence its useless to anticipate its end, because I am not sure about that :P

#2. Also, the articles are being posted in totally random order, irrespective of chronography or any other possible method of classification.

So here I start.

Ladies Waiting Room @ NDLS Station

31st October, 2009; 20:00 hrs

Hi, Carrying a railway time table is often handy, particularly when one wishes to analyse one’s train’s route, delay and other travel plans. However, this is one use of an IR TT which neither the IR nor I myself had ever imagined to be making of it. The shine in my eyes and the smile on my face made a good Kodak moment, at the sight of this whole blank, ruled sheet of paper with the heading ‘NOTES’. I have been in quite a thoughtful mood since morning and ever since I boarded a bus from PNP to Delhi, a sudden, intense desire to write something surged within me. The most interesting part was that today was one of those rarest of rare occasions when piece of blank sheet of paper, in my luggage, was limited to a small spiral notebook in my purse. I imagined myself sitting in LWR@NDLS and filling sheets and sheets of it with my thoughts; every individual sentence taking 2-4 sheets to complete, due to my fondness for writing long, really long sentences. Thus my happiness is quite obvious. Vaise, I was just wondering that I have spent half of this precious page in just emphasising about my happiness and the associated justifications. Very soon, I’ll be running out of paper once again. What am I going to do then? I’ll most probably be guided by my first instinct in that case. When I had opened up this TT, I had plans of using the backside of the IR India map for the purpose of unloading my mind. I guess I’ll continue on the map once it’s over……………….

Vaise, I’ve observed, I am pretty good at making bhumikas. (What will this world be, if denied of the beautiful Hinglish we Indians speak and write?) However, (coming back to the original topic), good bhumikas don’t serve much purpose (and earn the title of being chaat) if not supported by equally good body and conclusion. (I have a very genuine comparison in my mind regarding this, a very apt upma, but lets refrain from it; it being a publicly written article in all the possible spaces of an IR TT :) Vaise, all inquisitive readers, are most welcome to ask me personally :) Another, deviation and what if statement --> What will this world be, if devoid of the highly expressive smileys?) Fine, CBOT (stands for Coming Back to Original Topic), I was talking about good bodies for good…………. [cont….. on map :)]

[cont….. from NOTES]

…...starts. Enough of bhumika done, I had been wondering ki what more to write to substantiate this use (or misuse, as some might say) of IR paper. [Hey readers, you might feel I am obsessed with IR; well all I have to say is that Yess you are right.] Moving, further, as I was writing, an aunty approached me and asked ki what I am writing, I really didn’t know how to reply. May be she was well acquainted with the ways of people my age, because immediately after the question she gave me MCQs options: (a) Story (b) Dictation via MP3 (c) Diary….. For me the right option was (d) None of the above. However, my post engineering encounter with MCQs have taught me one thing, that once B.Tech is over, (d) and (e) (all of the above) options are seldom correct. Add to it that the aunty had spoken with a very motherly smile and I was in a good mood since eve, I chose (c) which she accepted readily. We had a little chit chat and the she left for Bhusaval. Now, once she left I remembered a similar encounter I had at LWR@NDLS few months back. In that particular trip, I was thankfully carrying a badda wala note book with lots of blank sheets. I had lots of time and India had a cricket match. Outcome was that all my friends and most importantly Aks was busy and I was free. Even the LWR was comparatively crowded that day. I started writing a letter to Aks. Another aunty, sorry another girl (married and 3-4 years elder to me) was sitting one seat away from me, and to my utter dismay and horror, was busy peeping in my letter. Just imagine my plight, but it didn’t really affect me much due to my years of training in hiding my exam copy from my neighbour with the help of a pencil box, hanky, exam paper and what not. So, ultimately I was able to dodge her well (so much so, that I even mentioned her act to Aks in that letter :)

Vaise being different attracts attention for sure. Right now, there are some 9-10 ladies (and a few kids) in the waiting room, and I am enjoying the experience of having 4-5 pairs of eyes dedicated to me totally. (Actually out of the balance uninterested people, 3-4 are quite detached from everything surrounding them and 1-2 have declared me to be psycho and are ignoring me in full swing.)

There was one particular baby-kid in this waiting room, until a short while ago, whom I really wanted to mention in this unique entry. (Calling this prose an entry means, even I have accepted it to be a diary. However, before I mention the baby-kid, oh, I just remembered the correct word, toddler; so before I mention the toddler (who came back just now), I want to write about a particular grandma sitting just a seat from me. Actually the poor lady is really old and all an also happens to be suffering from pyriah. Actually she suddenly caught my attention by her sheer presence and distracted me from the baby. Okies, coming back to the toddler; he is small, cute, pretty and shaitan as all toddlers are, when the observer is in a good mood. On any different day, I might have called him small, noisy, hyper-active and ‘Dennis the menace’ types. However, one thing about this baby, I shall always praise and that is his shoes. They have little red lights, just above the sole, which twinkle as he walks…… I have a great affection towards these two particular varieties of shoes; (1) which tweet and queak when one walks (2) which display disco lights when one walks. I really want to have one such pair for myself, have actually asked Aks to get me one such pair :)

Moving further on, its 21:00 hrs now, I have been writing continuously since last one hour except for the brief chit chat with the Bhusaval aunty. And the hard fact at this moment is that I am nearing end of half map right now, also nearing the time of my train. After all, although I enjoy sitting in LWR@NDLS a lot and can spend hours at stretch out here, feeling pretty much at home, still my main motive for coming here is to get on board LKO mail, at least for today……………..

So lets start winding up. By the way, I am quite confused as to when did I end the bhumika and start the body, or to be even more precise, if I at all wrote a body; good or bad shall depend on you my dear reader and more than you, it will depend on your mood :) Chalo, signing off for now, with a sweet smile and a big sign.

Take care, have a good life.

KINSHUK DAS 31.10.2009, 21:10 p.m.