The CE Transformation : The 'Groups'

(... continued from Part 1)

(Part 2 of 3)

In fact, the most interesting observation we had was that till about 1/3 duration of the training, no major groupings were evident in the entire batch. Almost each one of us had a group of 5-10 unrelated people to share thoughts with. Moreover, with so many years of service at IOCL, each one of us had enough stories to share and enlighten others about!! The talks seemed never ending. 

And we had so many different groups to converse into...

In a very unusual happening, I became 'highlighted' for convening the most variety of groups!! 

Well in all my pre-preparedness to attend CE, I had taken some decisions about how to spend my 'Me' time. And I was somewhat determined not to miss the morning Yoga classes, hoping it might finally set me on a fitness journey. So that started the 'Yoga group', comprising of a couple of us who attended each and every class despite our unearthly sleeping times! In fact there were a few occasions when I felt tempted to bunk the morning routine, but I attended just to save my face in front of these 'Yoga group' members!! And well, with the chilled out CE batchmates we had, morning yoga was also fun... wherein after the class we would be laughing about how pathetic we were and how narrowly we dodged some tough aasana or the other!!

After yoga, we were supposed to return to our rooms to get ready for the classes. However, I desperately needed my morning cup of nicely brewed tea, which was not possible in the electric kettle. So for a couple of days, post yoga I used to loiter in the campus for about 15 minutes and then reach the dining hall for a fresh cup. Few days later, someone enquired about where was I heading to and there started the formation of my 'Chai Group'. Chai group became such an happening group that a friend made a pact with me to call him for chai post yoga. Yoga was secondary for him, but he would daily join us for tea!! Our hunger for conversations was such that for a day or two the tea time cut deep into our mornings and then we started putting an alarm to remind us to timely leave the Coffee Lounge and get ready for the classes!! 

Post morning tea, there were non-stop class room sessions till evening, but with loads of 'bakar' in between. Most of us were seated as per our comfort zones (some of us swapped places to get the same!). In this way the classes, faculties & learnings interspersed with comfortable 'bakar' made the sessions much more bearable and somewhat entertaining. However, with so much of knowledge being imparted on a daily basis, the evenings felt really heavy. On most of the days, I did not have much mental strength to do any self studies in the evening (As I typed this last line, voice of a few college friends chanting 'pappu' is very clearly audible in my ears).

So to 'detox' ourselves and to prepare ourselves for the next day of training, we had the dinner and post dinner sessions to look forward to.

Here, let me first give some insight into the dining hall of IIPM. The staff manning the IIPM dining halls are the strictest wardens one might ever come across. The dress code to be followed, etiquettes to be observed while dining, the time to be spent at the dining table are all strictly monitored and all trainees are shamelessly reprimanded upon by the staff in case of any defaults. 

Now, we being the 'Chillpill' trainees and they being the guardians of the IIPM Sanctum sanctorum, conflict was bound to arise! However, after a initial battle for supremacy, we reached an unspoken understanding. We would follow all the codes of conduct during breakfast & lunch and they would let us enjoy some liberties during the dinner time. 

There were two major areas where we broke all rules at dinner time. The first one was the seating. Despite the no. of seats available on the dining table, we would accommodate people as long as possible. We expanded the seating capacity to 11-12 as per our requirement. I recall during one of the final days, a friend had come in late and was quietly going to sit on a vacant table, when I got up with my plate and told "ya to aap yahan aaiye, ya fir main vahan aati hoon" and in the meantime another friend got up, pulled a chair and the late comer was well adjusted on to our table.

Second factor to which we extended our own rules during dinner time, actually became a point of tussle between 'us' & 'them'. We would not get up from the dining table till it was time to close the dining hall (i.e 21:30 hrs). The servers would drop us all kinds of hints and we would ignore them all and instead go about picking up another mango or apple which would be cut and shared by a group of 10-12 people busy chatting about. Most of the times, some of us would feel sufficiently embarrassed by their incessant hints & stares that we would finally leave the hall.

Moreover, leaving the dining hall didn't imply retiring to our rooms! Again, somehow I became infamous for convoking the post dinner 'Walking' groups on similar lines as the morning chai groups. I didn't really feel like returning to my room immediately after dinner and the insatiable hunger for conversations that many of us had, made it a natural choice to go for 'one more round' around the campus. We would start as a group of 8-10 or more people, but usually settled in groups of 2-4 persons talking about all the stupidities and all the wisdom of the world simultaneously. 

The conversations ranged from local IIPM happenings to college days, office life to personal matters, from bosses to kids, and generic talks on enlightening ourselves about being better humans. The funniest topics we engaged in included 'best practices to wash clothes', 'optimum inventory for minimizing washing of clothes' and 'various ghar ke kaam which kept us busy at IIPM'. Conversations also circled around implementing the learnings acquired in various sessions in real life, particularly in sessions relating to behavorial development. 

One topic that resurfaced multiple times was that why CE batch 43 was so cool and accommodating? and somehow it could never be answered satisfactorily except that "We were really lucky". 

The only rational explanation we could achieve consensus on was that the timing of this program was most apt considering our professional and personal standings in life. Almost all of us had our 'own' families (read spouse, kids etc.) which gave us stability on the personal front... That is to say that no one was looking forward to relationships with hidden agendas.. Moreover, with roughly a decade of service in IOCL (or more), all of us had experienced/observed the bell curve effects, the disparity between the deserving and the achievers, the nearly pathetic prospects of promotion into senior grades and the umpteen issues that ail any semi Govt. Agency in a country like ours.. We were mentally prepared for what to expect in future near or far... Moreover, none of us were in direct line of competition with each other... at least most of us felt that, if not all.. And since we were all part of this program, it was implicit that we had been doing okay in our careers in the recent years.. Adding all these scenarios gave us a degree of professional stability as well.. Thus we were eventually a group of people with a Zen like stability in our lives (at the moment at least!!) and perhaps that gave us a chance to be free of pretenses for some time. 

In any case, whatever be the psychological or sociological reason behind the cohesion in our group. It was an amazing experience being in the esteemed company of CE 43 batchmates. The variation in personalities of the members was immense; ranging from extreme extroverts who could not endure spending even a single evening indoors to extreme introverts who just couldn't be pulled out of their shells, from really skilled and talented beings to awkward commoners like me, from extremely caring, empathetic persons who would observe it all to people who just didn't give a damn!! 

We were a truly mixed bag of people who just decided to gel well together!! (Thank God!!)

(To be concluded...)

The CE Transformation : An Introduction

(Part 1 of 3)

Finally, picking up a pen (figuratively indeed!!) after almost a decade. Moreover, there is big question mark looming over regarding whether this post will see the end of the tunnel! 

This post has been on my mind since almost a month now, more so to declutter my own thoughts rather than to reflect upon the recent turn of events. In reality, as life moves on these days, time devoted to introspections, reflections and decluttering is usually cut short at the cost of 'more important' aspects of life, like earning a livelihood and running the household!! Sorry state of modern urban living!!

However, as a friend recently implored me to "write whenever I can but restart", so finally today I did take the liberty to log on and click on the 'new post' icon, without any assurance of what will come next.

Some two & a half months back my life took a very unexpected turn, when a fellow officer approached me seeking my willingness to attend a month long residential training program titled Cutting Edge (in short CE).

To start things from the start, let me give some background abt CE. When I was an A grade officer at Panipat, we were exposed to this phrase Cutting Edge with lot of value and privilege attached to it. I had seen so many of my really deserving and inspirational seniors (about 8-10 years elder to us in hierarchy) getting nominated for this 'flagship' elite program. And in those days of naivety, it seemed like a really big deal. Moreover, since a very few people of any batch used to attend this program, it used to feel really special to our eyes. Sub-consciously, during those days, getting nominated to such an elite program became part of the so called bucket list. 

Fast forward to 12 years, after passage of ample water under the bridge and some journeys on the 'roads less travelled by', I received a rather pleasant surprise in my inbox to find the invitation to join the CE training program in Nov'2022. However, the universe conspired to ensure that I could not attend the same for personal & professional reasons all around.

So, this year when I was again offered a chance to tick off the bucket list, I felt a little determined not to let go. Obviously, absence of a month from home, that too in a new city with Abhishek's unpredictable schedules was going to be a challenging task. However, Abhishek was equally determined to let me go this time, despite the difficulties he would have to handle.

Now, cutting the preface a little short, it so happened that I ended up being a part of this 'elite' 'flagship' training program of IOCL known as 'Cutting Edge'; and in multiple ways it became one of the most transformative and cherished experiences of my life in recent times. 

After spending so many years as the 'odd MAN out' in most professional set-ups by the virtue of my gender, which is further accentuated by the virtue of my persona which has great difficulties in making personal connects/bonds with ease, I have finally started accepting my situation head on rather than feeling awkward/shy about it. 

Therefore, when I stepped out of my home to start this journey, I was kind of mentally prepared to spend a month in solitude. I was more than happy to be away from the daily routines of household & motherly duties. I came to this program with literally zero expectations on the personal bonding front. I had braced myself mentally to converse with one and all but not to expect any extraordinary bonds anywhere. I definitely did not expect to make 'proper' friends (& not just FB ones!!) during this training.

Perhaps so much of mental bracing up, made it easier for me to put up a brave face... In any case, approaching any experience with zero expectations always makes the aftertaste better. 

On the designated day, I reached the IIPM hostel at around dinner time and tentatively took an empty seat on an almost full dining table. And with so much of mental preparedness, it was easier than normal for me to get into the ongoing conversations... Now in hindsight, as I retrospect, I realise that everyone at that dinner table ended up being my good companion for the entire training. Perhaps it was all part of the bigger plan destiny had mapped for all of us.

First phase of the training program composed of an outbound component, where we were taken on a 6.5 hours journey to the outskirts of Jim Corbett National Park and made to participate in multiple group activities. And this became the starting point of the transformational journey!! 

Over a period of next 2.5 days, we were grouped and regrouped into multiple teams, where we collaborated and cooperated with a variety of people. I guess by the end of the first team activity, mental barriers began to break and all discriminatory factors began to disappear. However, the biggest achievement of the official training part was that by the second day, we finally knew everyone's name :)

Also, one of the biggest takeaways of this training also happened during OBT itself, when we as a group decided to visit the jungle safari even though it was not on the official schedule. It was the precursor to the formation of the Chill Pill whatsapp group, which seems to be outliving most other such training based whatsapp groups (lets see for how long!!).

Going to a jungle safari in a group of about 30 people in open jeeps, which was mostly a really long drive through picturesque routes, forests and jungles with awesome weather was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. It in fact rained substantially during the journey and we braved the rains with signing unceremoniously in loud, off-key notes at the top of our voices while standing in the jeeps!! And even though there was absolutely zero animal sighting (as expected), it was one of the most enjoyable jungle safari experience most of us had.

One of my personal major achievements at the OBT was allowing myself to let loose!!

At evening pre dinner gatherings out there I found myself trying my luck at Carrom and I found myself humming along in a utterly dissonant tones, loud enough for others to hear when a fellow trainee sang while playing the guitar. The cherry on the cake was that at one such gathering, I could overcome my self imposed barriers to dance (badly no doubt, but still..) along with the group. Somehow I had managed to brace myself against criticism, against being made fun of and being laughed at!! And this resilience of sorts gave me the courage to just be.. to not be bothered about the biggest worries of my life, which has bothered me almost at every stage of my social life - "what will others say!!"

Here it would be very wrong on my part if try to take the entire credit for such intense transformation. There was (or is) something unique about the attendees of CE-43. There was something in that air that gave us certain level of confidence, comfort and encouragement in each other's presence. Everyone made fun of others. Everyone was made fun of by others. And no one took it to heart in the demeaning way. Any trait which could be sorted or improved upon was taken up in the right spirit. At every instance, there was someone or the other available to provide mental/ moral support and guidance to overcome whatever idiosyncrasies' the other one had. There was an immense undercurrent of 'Gyaan' and 'Gyaan' flowed from all directions! Age/ experience/ cultural or societal differences didn't matter. To some extent even inter divisional differences didn't matter. The amount of harmony and goodwill in the environment was unbelievable!!

(To be continued...)

Emotions vs Pragmatism (& Figo)

As a yet another self imposed rule, I don't do 'nested posts' i.e. I make it a point to finish one topic and start a new unrelated post only after completion of the previous one!!

However, exceptional situations call for extraordinary solutions!!. Even though I am yet to complete the chronicles of CE, yet here I am starting to pen my feelings about yet another turning point of my life, which was even more transformational than CE felt. 

For any one of us growing up in middle class households of 1990's - 2000's, 'car' was always a long term goal with no guarantee as such. My parents bought their first car in 2009 when I was already posted at Panipat. I learnt to drive through a driving instructor in 2009 in Lucknow. However from learning to drive to being able to drive proved to be a very long journey for me. 

I was somewhat determined to purchase 'our' first car post marriage only. Thus began Abhishek & mine search for the perfect fit in early 2011 which culminated in the purchase of a Sea Grey Ford Figo in April 2011 from Panipat. However even then, it took me two more years to finally grow my wings.

After multiple driving sessions with Abhishek copiloting me, I vividly remember the evening when I told him (rather than seek permission) that I will drive to office tomorrow!!

Actually 'necessity' is the mother of 'invention' and even 'initiative' for that matter!! Because alternatives were always available, therefore my driving was never a priority even for myself. Except that, it was like an itch at the back of my mind. I wanted the independence, the kind I used to have with my Scooty!! 

There was no looking back since that day back in 2013, when I finally got behind the steering with more determination than nervousness!! 

Figo literally gave me wings!! We have been through a lot together. Especially during the last seven years when I was posted in Ahmedabad and was driving 50-60 km on a daily basis, Figo was my safe zone, my cocoon, a place where I could be 'Myself'... free from the worries of office as well as home! I was free of pretenses once on road... I could let out my true feelings, I might be elated or frust or excited or depressed or in a tranquil mood or in a pensive state, whatever the case be, I could be 'me'!

It was like my mobile escape route, albeit temporary yet absolutely refreshing!

We braved waterlogged roads, traffic jams that could stretch for hours, some dents here & there, an accident even and a couple of failures right in the middle of road...But my Figo gave me strength...and Memories..

Abhishek and mine shared love for road-trips (long or short) started with Figo. From travelling by road from Panipat to Gandhidham or going around coastal Saurashtra or even local trips where only the journey mattered, driving was 'our thing'! Covid time were particularly such days, where for the sake of an outing, we would just roam around Ahmedabad/Gandhinagar without stepping out of the car at all.

Figo has been an integral part of our lives for time immemorial. 

I do understand that it's after all a machine and that change is an inevitable truth of life.. all things living or machines come with their expiry dates... But rational thoughts are often at loggerheads with one's emotions!! 

Since past 2-3 years, signs of aging were getting evident on my dear gaadi. However even after getting a more modern new vehicle, Figo still holds a very very special place in our hearts!! And if I can ignore all the practicality and pragmatism of the world, I would rather prefer to keep it with me forever. However keeping a machine ideal for too long is illogical and spells ill health for the machine! Moreover govt. regulations and norms also need to be referred to for keeping old vehicles in one's custody.. So the tussle ensues..

I know what is required (& will be done eventually) but I also know what the heart yearns for!! 

I usually take pride in not being an overly emotional person when it comes to accepting change... However, this instance is too massive for me to keep the tears in check!!

"Dearest Figo,

Thanks for everything. Thanks for giving me wings!!

With lots of love

"